26 Jul Are You Just Along for the Ride
In some of my previous talks, I’ve said that every answer you really need is within you, call it your inner being, guides, angels, or God. This is truly the only guide you need in order to take you OUT of the passenger seat and put you squarely in the driver’s seat of your life.
Now one of the many things I love about astrology (and specifically Barry Kerr’s deep readings) is that it can explain thru planetary and energy events why things happened at times in your past. But even more important is when you look at the future, even short term like transits, the professional astrologer can point out potentials, possibilities, best times to make decisions, and more . . . but they will NEVER, EVER tell you what you should do.
The answers that will lead you to make the choices and decisions to put you in the driver’s seat of your life come from within.
So many of us live life in default mode, rarely knowing what we do want, not having a plan, and unsure about what really makes us happy. I was in that cycle for many years. I was pretty content allowing others to make decisions for me . . . and so I just went along for the ride. That worked ok in my young adulthood because EVERYthing was an adventure and I was a sponge…let’s just say I learned MANY lessons. Later, being a passenger was oftentimes just simpler in order to avoid conflict.
As we get older, I’m 67 this year, in November, November 23rd, write it down. 🙂 . . . As we get older, we tend to get into a mindset of being too old to change, or too old to learn something new, or to live a different life than the one we’ve BEEN living. And I believe that just goes against our nature.
In fact, I’ll go one step further and say, I believe that change is absolutely NECESSARY as long as we’re breathing. I don’t mean leaving all your friends, quitting your job, leaving your partner, but look within yourself and find those areas of your life that you want to change.
Now before I continue, I wanna point out that with all the thousands and thousands of people I’ve met all over the world, I believe there are lifetimes that our soul’s journeys CAN provide some respite for us in the form of living in the passenger seat. As I mentioned, there are certainly lessons to be learned there.
That having been said, I don’t believe and will never believe that God wants us to play small and if you’re unhappy, let’s face it you’re not just playing it small, you pretty much out of the game. Any time you let someone else sit in your driver’s seat, you’re playing it small. And that was the impetus for my talk today.
A woman I know in Arkansas thought she’d be living the life of her dreams when she married a very wealthy guy. And she did for a few years . . . until he got tired of her. By this time she was already addicted to the money and lifestyle. Then the abuse began and the last time we talked, she said she desperately wanted to leave and would have gotten a sweet settlement, but guess what? She had no idea how to drive. As far as I know, she’s still there.
I was on Facebook this week and came across this post in one of my groups. “Something I never understood as a kid that drives a lot of what I do today is: Why people who are unhappy don’t do anything to change their situation.”
Granted, there are things we can’t control but there are plenty of things we can, like our work, our friends, our relationships, and sometimes just our attitudes. We have the power to change what our lives look like. So what do you spend time doing each day, who do you spend your time with, and who do you spend your energy on.
Chances are if there’s something we’re unhappy with the Universe will give you subtle signs, like nudges, looking through a magazine, seeing an ad in the paper . . . and if THAT doesn’t work . . . there ALWAYS that cosmic 2 x 4! Do yourself a favor, don’t wait for the cosmic 2×4 . . . it usually comes as a painful lesson, kinda like this story I’m gonna tell you about my ex-father-in-law.
Now, I don’t necessarily recommend the route he took, but in the end, it worked out for him.
My ex-father-in-law was a dream. His name was James. Damn hard worker. He and the kids worked their 1,000 acre ranch and held down a full-time engineering job as well. He loved his kids, he was a man of few words, very reserved, he was just a wonderful man . . . and one day he just snapped. You know, he jumped right off that gerbil wheel. Granted, he created a little havoc along the way and eventually was, well, . . . institutionalized.
When he was released about 6 months later, he walked away from the ranch, his job, of course the kids were long grown by this time, he divorced my mother-in-law and flew to Bogota, Columbia where he used to live and work as an engineer. And there in Bogota, he located the love of his life from 40 years prior, brought her back to the states, and they got married.
I believe in some divine way, these events actually saved his life. He was now FULLY in his driver’s seat. He and his new wife lived happily together . . . in love . . . for the rest of their days. (sigh)
I’m certainly not advocating for divorce, but I do advocate for making positive changes in our lives, which can be as simple as a new attitude or set new boundaries that work for you.
So, what are you waiting for?
Why not do it now?
Let’s face it, if you’re miserable, it’s a sure sign that something needs a’changing. Because you know what? Being miserable is like having a bad ball bearing . . . it’s not going to get better, ya gotta change it.
So, first things first,
Accept your situation, but don’t resign yourself to it!
That means you don’t have to passively accept things and feel like a victim. In fact, acceptance requires a great deal of courage, determination, and honesty. It means accepting the fact that life is working for us and our good, even if at the moment we can’t see it.
“Pay attention to your moods and emotions,” If you feel frustrated, resentful, irritable, bored, sad or even fearful, those are also signs that something’s gotta change.
Can you think of other ways to tell you’re ready?
Maybe your body is telling you, aches ‘n’ pains, and other physical manifestations – check it out with Louise Hay.
When I was in Nashville, one of my jobs was free-lancing as a legal assistant. I loved it for a very long time, made incredible money. I didn’t get stuck in any one office for very long. I was known amongst my clients as “the fixer”. I came in, got them caught up, organized, or whatever they needed and left. It was a love, love relationship.
My ex and I were going out on the road in a conversion van for a week or so at a time. During this time, I kept getting calls from the law firms and frankly, the money was just too good to pass up, so we’d rush back so I could go to work the next day.
One day in early December, we were returning home to Nashville, and I got a call from one of the office managers, Beth Newkirk. She desperately needed someone to cover Christmas Vacation for double pay. I told her I’d check my schedule and I’d call her back. . . something just felt wrong inside and I needed time to figure it out.
Although my schedule was open, I felt terribly nauseated thinking about going to work at a law firm again, nothing against the law firm, they were one of my favorites, but I knew that part of my life was over. Scary? Kinda. Giving up so much money was a little unnerving.
Then a friend told me about a job opening at a Video Production company that did many of the videos that the country stars made and the satellite uplinks where they could do interviews with any TV station in the world. I got the job and was quickly promoted to Marketing Manager. I LOVED that job!!! That was my favorite job ever!
Don’t be afraid to let those Universal energies flow right through you to give you just the inspiration you need to open up a myriad of opportunities you might never have dreamt of on your own. Stealing the title of a book by Burke Hedges, “You Can’t Steal Second with Your Foot on First!”
So, why stay any place where you’re not happy when you could write a whole new, more authentic story for yourself? BTW, if you need help rewriting your story, be at Studio B at 6:30 Tuesday nights with Roxana Dragomir.
Maybe you’re retired and feeling bored or just need a new direction, get involved in something new . . . like a non-profit, they (we) always need help, join a special interest club, be a mentor, be a volunteer at the voting polls (smile – you’ll see me here in Yavapai County), start a new hobby, learn a language (best thing for the brain) or start a 2nd career. Think of all the things you wanted to do but couldn’t before because you had a job.
Understand what’s really holding you back
Tune in to your intuition and be brutally honest with yourself about what it is that’s holding you back from making changes. Once you’ve identified the change that needs to be made, face the real obstacle to change: fear.
The greatest fear associated with change is the fear of failure. The only way to avoid that is not to do anything and live in the passenger seat. Making mistakes is part of the learning curve.
Don’t judge yourself – assess the situation, make adjustments, and do it again. Anyone who may judge you just doesn’t belong in your orbit.
I’m sure many of you are very content or happy with where you are and if so, that’s great! But for those who are feeling the push, the pull, the nudge of restlessness . . . What’s frightening you most about taking that step?
Rather than letting fear paralyze you, allow it to energize you! You know, like that heart-stopping roller coaster that used to be on top of a Las Vegas hotel.
Oh, man, I was all in. I’ve never had such a rush!
So, look at it as a challenge! And tap into that energy so you can use it as a force that inspires you into action. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Now, I understand that taking huge steps or making a big change might be just too much to handle. So, you can start by . . .
Building your ‘courage muscles’
If this huge challenge feels like too much . . . Chunk it down. Take part in manageable actions such as trying new things, activities, and experiences, anything that gets you out of your comfort zone. Spend more time with people who ask more of you . . . or take on a new skill. The point is to make challenging yourself — physically, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually — a habit.
Celebrating even small victories every day keeps our motivation high. Try this exercise: write in your journal at least one thing each day that you consider a small or great success (of any kind, not only things related to your career/work). You may have cooked something delicious, helped a stranger, or simply listened to a friend… After you write your success . . . celebrate. Be creative!
Connect your head with your heart
Make your dreams more real by connecting them with your values . . . make your dreams more real by connecting them with your deeper sense of purpose, because it compels you to dig deep when the going gets tough. It’ll keep you in the driver’s seat and not let you get distracted by minor setbacks or anything else.
Remember we talked about values, freedom, money, happiness, love and others that help you line up with the best decisions, so to make these changes you really have to know your values and the criteria associated with them.
Finally, I want you to . . . take three deep breaths 7 inhale, 4 hold, 11 exhale, and on the next inhale, just drop down into your heart . . . I wonder if you can see yourself 20, 30, 40 years from now? Gently close your eyes. Turn around in your mind and look back on your life. If you continue on your current path, what are you most likely to look back on with regret? Do you see it? Acknowledge it and then just allow it to fade away. There’s your set point for change.
As long as we’re breathing, dreaming, hoping, wishing, and wanting something more, there’s still time to change. There are so many choices available. Several of us in our community are here to help you discover your own answers, simply by asking non-leading questions that cause you to come to your own conclusion. Remember, a professional therapist with integrity will never tell you what to do. Call any of us when you’re ready.
And if that doesn’t prod you to change, take inspiration from someone who lived life to the max . . . To quote Auntie Mame, “Life’s a buffet, and most poor bastards are starving to death!”