11 Dec Banishing Doubt by Rev. Kimberly Kelley
Last week, I reconnected with an old classmate from high school. We were talking about the old days and he told me something that completely caught me off guard!
He said, “I always admired the way you walked around the school as if you owned the place and that nothing bothered you.”
“Are you still that same girl?”
Later that night I sat with that question.
Why was that important? Because when I did a quick timeline regression I located the event and the female classmate that set me on the course of my life.
In our school, the graduating 8th graders had the opportunity to try out alongside the high school girls for the open cheerleader slots.
I wanted to be a cheerleader in the worst way. I had a brother and sister who were overachievers in High School and I wanted to make my own mark, not just be Kaaren and Mike Dyer’s baby sister.
My sister had been a cheerleader a few years before me and my brother had been an all-star athlete. I dreamed of being just as popular as they were.
So, I signed up. I learned the cheers, the moves, and yells and felt like at least skill-wise I was ready.
About a week before tryouts I learned that we were trying out in front of the entire HS.
I immediately got stomach pains, a headache, nausea, maybe I’m getting the flu? Mom took my temperature and it was 98.6. I began thinking of all the excuses I might be able to use to get out of this horrible situation I’d gotten myself into! I was not even 13 yet and I just knew that if I went out on that stage and flopped that my life would be over . . . you know how it is at that age.
With encouragement from my mom, dad and siblings, I didn’t bail, but I was still terrified.
Tryout day came . . . All the girls with aspirations of being a Ray District High School Cheerleader assembled in the wings of the stage. One by one, each girl did their routine. Some were amazing, others not so much. Then the cheer coach called Toni Lorona . . .
Toni was a couple of years older than me. She was tall, beautiful, straight back, strong, slender and fierce. I wanted to be just like that.
I watched transfixed as Toni walked across the stage to the center. DEMONSTRATE
SHE OWNED that stage. I don’t even remember watching her routine, I knew I was next. I had one chance and I had to make it count if I wanted to become a High School Cheerleader. I also had an epiphany. I had taken years of ballet, tap and at this moment the most important one, acrobatics.
Then I heard my name called. I did the only thing I could do. I threw my shoulders back, held my head up high and strutted right across that stage like Toni Lorona!
In that moment, I knew I WAS a Ray District High School Cheerleader.
I wish I could say I never doubted myself again, but that wouldn’t be true. I doubt myself almost every single day, but I don’t stay there long.
The most important things that trying out for cheerleader taught me (1) that I had the power to control my fear; (2) that when I came up with a plan (the Toni Lorona power walk), I immediately allowed other information to come in which was, hey, doofus, what about all those acrobatics you’ve done for years?
Those lessons have been reinforced over and over in my life.
Jumping into a man’s career field in the air force . . . in the ’70s.
Legal secretary as a 2nd job to support my son and me, when I had no legal experience and minimal word processing experience.
Bartending (with no experience) as 2nd and 3rd jobs to help support my family.
And on and on, but this isn’t really about me. This is about sharing with you these stories to emphasize the importance of banishing doubt.
I was listening to Tony Robbins, one of my go-to motivational speakers and he laid out these steps exactly like in my opening story, I realized I got real lucky. What I did was not within my consciousness, but it showed up to teach me valuable lessons that I want to share with you.
We know that doubt usually centers around three main categories, money, relationships, and health.
So when you’re wanting to manifest, change, create something your life You first have to
Know Your Outcome!
This is probably the toughest part of creating our life. because there’s this part of your brain that’s responsible for deleting 99% of what you see, hear and feel. It’s called the Reticular Activating System. It filters out anything that is not active in your energy field and why does it do that? Because if it didn’t, your head would explode from data overload.
It only makes you aware of what’s consistently active in your mind and energy field.
In my case, I had been focusing on my next four years as a cheerleader, not just on the tryouts. There was no doubt what I wanted.
Once you get clear on WHAT you want, ask yourself WHY you want it.
Imagine you want a million dollars that’s not too hard, is it? I figured that’s kind of a universal subject! I’d recommend spending at least twice as much time on the Whys as the What.
If you can get to a big enough WHY you can figure out how to do just about anything. This is your juice, your lighter fluid . . . .this is your motivation.
The $1 million dollars in and of itself isn’t your motivation, it’s why you want it and what you want to do with it.
Pay off all bills, start a magnet school for the arts, open about 4 new CULs in other states, set your grandkids up for college . . . whatever it is.
My Whys were: to be popular, to follow in my sister’s footsteps, to have a reason to go to all the games, watch the boys play football and basketball! To show off my own athleticism (yep show off), to show team spirit, feel good about myself, prove I could do it, make my parents proud and to make Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Alexander proud.
If you can come up with at least 10 Whys to your WHAT, you are probably very passionate about what you want.
So, you’re armed with your crystal clear outcome, you have some big Whys and now it’s time to use your personal power to take action to get what you want.
What’s the number one thing that stops people from taking action . . . fear of failure. They’re afraid if they fail they they’ll be ridiculed, rejected, hurt and worst of all they fear they’ll lose love.
Believe me, if you’re clear about what you want and you have a bunch of big Whys you should be standing doubt-free in your personal power. Take A big bold action and watch the windows of the universe open for you.
My big bold action was signing up and showing up for what I wanted.
You know it was a small dream in the big universal scheme of things, but to that 12-1/2-year-old girl, it was huge.
I believe it was from that one event, that I learned a great universal truth, with the self-confidence you don’t need excuses and without excuses, there is no need for doubt.
Where do doubts come from?
They come from our shadows that we haven’t cleared yet.
Remember what shadows are? They are the lies we believe about ourselves.
Whether these lies come from past negative experiences, past criticism, past failures (which aren’t really failures), they can manifest as doubt.
How does self-doubt show up in your life?
You’re constantly apologizing
Being polite is a great characteristic, but if you find yourself apologizing several times a day, it could be a sign of self-doubt — especially if you’ve done nothing wrong.
But when I’m running my program of self-doubt, I apologize a lot. If I meet someone at a door that we both can’t go through, I apologize! If I don’t return a phone call or email for 10 minutes, I apologize that it took so long for me to respond. For texts, it’s even shorter.
When I looked at this program, I realized the lack of self-confidence this conveyed not only to myself but to everyone within earshot and vibration.
You second guess yourself
Two things can happen when you second guess yourself. You can second guess yourself right into procrastination or complete inaction . . .
or like me, you make a decision, act on it all the while second-guessing yourself, driving yourself crazy.
This is where I spend more time than I’d like.
So how do you banish doubt
The easiest and quickest way is to change your physiology. Speak, move, gesture.
In one of my previous talks, Fake it till ya make it, I made the case for acting “as if”. This works for any situation or desire we have. So, if you’re feeling insecure or you feel that little feeling of doubt sneak into your thoughts
Throw your shoulders back, head high, chest up and say “Yes, I got this” in your most commanding voice. Not the wimpy . . . yes, but your most authoritative “YES! I got this”.
Other ideas for banishing doubt . . .
Commit and the Universe will deliver
Whether you’re committed to a project, a cause, or to yourself, be crystal clear on your outcome. Maybe you’re committed to your health. Maybe you decide you want to take better care of yourself and that means to you that you want to exercise more and feel better. Well, that’s pretty vague. But if you commit to a goal of walking 5 miles a day within the next year, the Universal Light will go to the end of the galaxies to make sure the path is laid for your success.
Stop comparing yourself.
You are a unique expression of the Universal Light. You came here to experience a unique life unlike any other. So who are you comparing yourself to? your higher self isn’t comparing you. So if you want to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to who you were yesterday and commit to being a better version of you.
Stop Asking For Validation
Seeking others’ input and advice is helpful. However, if you are in the habit of continuously asking others what they think before making decisions on important matters, you’re diluting your own internal guidance.
One of the things I admire most about Arvel is that he asks for validation from no one. He might ask for input and advice, and he’ll consider it, but if it’s not a fit for him and for his vision, he’ll file it under, thanks but no thanks. It was the same way in his music career. He definitely did it his way.
Don’t Talk About Your Plans
Talk about what you’ve done as in after the fact. This goes along with my “Ask for forgiveness instead of permission” mantra. While we are still in the planning stage of . . . well . . . anything, our mind naturally looks for ways to navigate through potential obstacles. This type of doubt can be very constructive because while it sounds like you’re looking for the problems, you’re actually looking for solutions before they become problems.
What can happen here is that your well-meaning friends or family might bring up other juicy little items like . . . aren’t you a little old to start that? or You know, most businesses fail within the first 2 years.
If you really need to share your excitement, JOURNAL!!!
DO SOMETHING EVEN IF IT’S WRONG.
Be bold! Make a decision, amp up your passion for it, take action and let the Universe do its magic. You won’t always have all the answers, but the moment you align your passion with your highest values and your higher self, you become your own biggest cheerleader. And it’s at that moment the light of the universe will shine ON you and through you banishing every single doubt so that you have access to the energy that creates worlds.